Tribeca Salons

(Written from the perspective of a hairdresser with a teenage daughter)

Working in a hair salon, you hear about friendships all the time. Women come in, sit down, and the conversation starts flowing: who they’re close with, who they’ve drifted from, and who hurt them. Friendships shape our lives in ways we don’t always realize. And now that I’m raising a teenage daughter, I see firsthand how powerful peer pressure and friendships can be for her self-esteem.

When my daughter was little, she was fearless about who she played with. On the playground, she’d walk up to any kid and say, “Wanna play?” Easy as that. But now that she’s sixteen, it’s not so simple. Every friendship feels loaded—like it’s about fitting in, being cool, or keeping up with the group. I watch her struggle with wanting to be accepted while also wanting to be true to herself.

And honestly, I get it. Even as adults, we deal with the same thing. In the salon, I’ve had clients confide that they still feel pressured to dress a certain way, drink more than they want to, or gossip just to belong. If grown women are still wrestling with it, how can we expect teenagers not to?

The Pressure to Belong

My daughter came home one day upset because her friends were all talking about a party. She hadn’t been invited, and she felt like she was on the outside looking in. I could see the shame in her face—like being left out meant there was something wrong with her. I told her something I’ve learned from years behind the chair: not every group is your group, and that’s okay.

I see it in women too—some come in and light up the whole room with kindness, while others sit there critiquing everyone else. Who do you think walks out happier? It’s the same for our daughters. Being part of a group isn’t worth it if it means shrinking yourself or pretending to be someone you’re not.

Teaching Her to Say “No”

Peer pressure isn’t always about big things like drinking or skipping school. Sometimes it’s smaller, like copying the way friends dress, laughing at jokes that aren’t funny, or agreeing with opinions she doesn’t share. I remind my daughter that saying “no” doesn’t make her weak—it makes her strong.

At the salon, I have to say no all the time. A client might want a hairstyle that won’t work with her hair type, and I have to gently but firmly explain why. If I just said yes to please everyone, I’d end up with unhappy clients and ruined hair. Friendships are the same: saying yes to everything just to please people only leaves you drained and unsatisfied.

Popularity vs. Real Friendships

I’ve watched my daughter’s friend groups shift over the years. Some girls she thought would be her “forever friends” turned out to be more concerned with status than with kindness. That was a tough lesson. But I’ve also seen her grow closer to friends who truly support her—girls who cheer for her successes, sit with her when she’s down, and never make her feel like she has to change who she is.

I tell her: popularity is temporary, but real friendships are investments. They don’t just make the teenage years easier; they set the foundation for adult confidence. I’ve had the same three best friends since beauty school, and we’ve stuck together through thick and thin. That’s what I want her to look for—not who has the most likes on TikTok.

When Friendships Hurt

Of course, not all friendships are healthy. My daughter has been through her share of drama—friends who talk behind her back, who exclude her to make themselves feel powerful, or who pressure her into things she’s not comfortable with. When she comes home crying, I feel helpless. But I remind her: if a friendship consistently makes you feel small, it’s not a friendship worth keeping.

I’ve had clients break down in my chair over toxic relationships—women in their thirties, forties, even fifties—still dealing with “mean girl” behavior. It starts young, and the only way to protect our daughters is to teach them early that it’s okay to walk away.

Building Confidence Outside of Friend Groups

One thing I’ve found helpful is encouraging my daughter to build confidence in places outside her social circle. Sports, art, volunteering, even her part-time job—these give her a sense of identity that isn’t tied to whether her friends approve. The more she invests in her own interests, the less desperate she feels to belong to groups that don’t treat her well.

At the salon, I’ve seen shy assistants blossom once they find their own rhythm. They don’t need everyone’s approval; they find confidence in their craft. I tell my daughter the same thing: “Find what you love, and let that be your anchor. Friends will come and go, but your passions stay with you.”

Advice to Other Parents

If you’re a parent reading this, here’s what I’ve learned so far:

• Listen before you lecture. When my daughter vents about friend drama, I bite my tongue and let her talk. She doesn’t always need solutions right away—sometimes she just needs to feel heard.
• Don’t dismiss her feelings. To us, teenage friendship drama might seem small, but to her, it feels like the world. Validating her emotions makes her more likely to come back to me next time.
• Model healthy friendships yourself. I try to let her see me spending time with my true friends, not just the people who are convenient. Actions speak louder than words.
• Remind her that friendships should feel safe. I tell her, “You should never feel like you’re auditioning for someone’s approval. The right friends won’t make you work that hard.”

Raising a teenager is messy—I won’t lie. Some days, I feel like I’m failing. But when I see my daughter laughing with friends who accept her exactly as she is, I know we’re making progress.

At the salon, women often ask me what the secret to confidence is. I think part of it comes down to choosing the right people to surround yourself with. And that’s what I want most for my daughter—to know that her worth isn’t decided by who invites her to the party, but by the love and respect she carries with her, and the kind of friendships she chooses to nurture.

(Written from the perspective of a hairdresser with a teenage daughter)

Every morning before I head to the salon, I peek into my daughter’s room. She’s usually hunched over her desk, textbooks spread out, earbuds in, already stressed about the day ahead. She’s only sixteen, but sometimes I look at her and think she’s carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. School, sports, after-school clubs, friends—she’s juggling it all. And as a mom, I can’t help but wonder: when did being a teenager become this exhausting?

Working as a hairdresser, I see women at all stages of life, and so many of them talk about pressure. Pressure to perform at work, to keep their homes running, to stay fit, to look good. And then I look at my daughter, and I realize the pressure starts much earlier than adulthood. It starts in high school, with grades, test scores, extracurricular activities, and the endless race to “be the best.”

The Perfectionist Trap

My daughter is a perfectionist, and I can see how much it eats at her. She studies for hours, and if she gets a 92 instead of a 100, she feels like she’s failed. I’ve heard her mutter, “I’m not smart enough” over a single wrong answer. It breaks my heart because I know her worth has nothing to do with numbers on a report card.

I tell her stories from the salon. I’ve worked with stylists who were average in school but brilliant with their hands, their creativity, and their people skills. Success doesn’t always come from being the top student—it comes from persistence, from passion, and from finding joy in what you do.

Overcommitment and Burnout

It’s not just academics. My daughter plays soccer, does theater, and volunteers at the local shelter. I love that she’s so involved, but I’ve watched her come home late, collapse on her bed, and cry from exhaustion. It reminds me of when I first started out in the salon and thought I had to say yes to every client, every shift, every favor. I learned the hard way that burnout doesn’t just drain your energy—it eats away at your self-worth.

So I sit her down and remind her: it’s okay to step back. Dropping one activity doesn’t make her a failure. It makes her human. Balance is a lesson I wish I’d learned earlier in life, and I’m determined to help her find it sooner than I did.

The Comparison Game

One of the hardest things about being a teenager today is how easy it is to compare yourself to others. My daughter scrolls through social media and sees classmates posting about their scholarships, their awards, their perfect performances. Even at school, she hears constant chatter about who got into which honors class or who scored highest on the test.

I remind her of something I’ve seen over and over in the salon: everyone’s path looks different. Some of the women who struggled in school are now thriving business owners. Some of the women who seemed to “have it all” as teenagers are still searching for themselves. Life isn’t a race. Her worth isn’t tied to outdoing someone else—it’s tied to the kind of person she becomes.

Shifting the Focus to Growth, Not Results

When my daughter stresses over grades, I try to shift the conversation. Instead of asking, “What did you get on your test?” I ask, “Did you learn something new?” or “What part did you enjoy?” I want her to see effort as valuable, not just the outcome.

At the salon, we celebrate growth all the time. When a new apprentice masters a new technique—even if it’s not perfect—we cheer them on. Progress matters more than perfection. I try to carry that same spirit into our home.

Encouraging Rest and Joy

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got as a stylist was, “If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of your clients.” The same goes for teens. If my daughter doesn’t rest, laugh, and just be a kid, she won’t have the energy or confidence to face her challenges.

So I push her (gently) to make space for joy. Whether it’s baking cookies with friends, watching a silly show, or just lying in bed doing nothing, I remind her that rest is not laziness—it’s necessary.

Advice for Other Parents

Here are a few things I’ve learned while walking this road with my daughter:

• Value effort over results. Let your daughter know you’re proud of her for trying, even if the grade isn’t perfect.
• Watch for signs of burnout. If she’s constantly tired, irritable, or anxious, it may be time to cut back on activities.
• Model balance yourself. When I say no to overworking at the salon, I’m showing her that rest is important.
• Celebrate her whole self. Remind her that she’s more than a student or an athlete—she’s a daughter, a friend, a human being with unique gifts.

Closing Thoughts

Every day, I see women in my chair who still feel the pressure to be perfect. They tell me about their jobs, their families, and the ways they feel like they’re falling short. And I realize: if we don’t teach our daughters now that they’re enough, they’ll carry that burden into adulthood.

I want my daughter to know that her value isn’t measured by grades or trophies. It’s in her laughter, her kindness, her effort, and her heart. If she can believe that—even just a little—I’ll feel like I’ve done my job as her mom.

And if you’re reading this as another parent, take it from me: your daughter doesn’t need you to push her harder. She needs you to remind her she’s already enough.

(Written from the perspective of a mother with a teenage daughter)

When you spend your days in a hair salon, you notice something: women often talk about their mothers while they sit in the chair. Sometimes it’s sweet—stories about family traditions, favorite recipes, or little lessons they learned growing up. Other times, the stories are harder. Clients tell me about the harsh words, the constant criticism, or the pressure they felt to look or act a certain way. And every time I hear those stories, I’m reminded of how much influence we parents have on our children’s self-esteem.

Now that I’m raising my own teenage daughter, I feel that responsibility more than ever. She’s sixteen, right at the age where she’s figuring out who she is, and I know my words—and even my silences—carry weight. If I tell her I’m proud of her, she lights up. If I criticize her too harshly, I can see her shrink. Family influence is powerful, and whether we like it or not, we’re shaping how our kids see themselves every single day.

The Power of Words

I’ll never forget one afternoon when my daughter tried on a new dress she bought with her friends. She came into the living room, spun around, and asked, “What do you think?” Without thinking, I blurted out, “That color’s a little bright.” The smile dropped from her face, and she went back to her room. I didn’t mean it as an insult, but in that moment, my words carried more weight than I realized.

At the salon, I’ve seen this pattern over and over. Grown women tell me they still remember something their mother said when they were teens—“Your hair is too frizzy,” “You need to lose weight,” “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” Decades later, they still hear those words in the mirror. That’s why I try so hard to be intentional with what I say to my daughter. Praise when it’s deserved, gentle correction when it’s needed, and lots of reminders that she’s loved no matter what.

Encouragement vs. Expectations

As parents, we want our kids to succeed, but sometimes our expectations can do more harm than good. I’ve seen clients break down in my chair because they spent their lives trying to live up to impossible standards set by their families. I don’t want that for my daughter.

Of course, I want her to work hard and be responsible. But I also want her to know that her worth isn’t tied to grades, trophies, or achievements. I try to encourage effort, not perfection. When she studies hard for a test, I tell her I’m proud of her dedication, not just the grade she earns. When she plays a soccer game, I cheer for her hustle, not just whether she scored a goal.

Modeling Self-Esteem at Home

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that my daughter is watching me more than she’s listening to me. If I criticize my own body in the mirror, she notices. If I complain about being “too busy” all the time, she notices. And if I practice self-care and speak kindly about myself, she notices that too.

In the salon, I’ve seen this play out across generations. I’ve had mothers and daughters come in together, and it’s amazing how often the daughter mirrors the mother’s attitude. If the mom sits down and sighs, “I hate my hair, I look awful,” the daughter usually does the same. But when the mom says, “Let’s try something fun, I feel like treating myself today,” the daughter beams. We pass on more than genetics—we pass on how to treat ourselves.

Creating a Safe Space

I want my daughter to know that home is her safe space. The world is already full of judgment—teachers, peers, social media, you name it. If she can’t come home and breathe, where can she?

So I try to make sure she knows she can tell me anything. Sometimes that means listening without immediately jumping in with advice. Sometimes it means letting her cry without fixing it. And sometimes it means admitting when I don’t have the answers, but reminding her that I’m always on her team.

Traditions of Support

One small thing we’ve done in our house is start a little ritual. Once a week, usually Sunday night, we sit down with hot tea and just talk about our week—what went well, what was hard, what we’re grateful for. It’s simple, but it gives her space to reflect and reminds her that she’s not alone.

I’ve even seen her carry this into her friendships. She’ll check in on her friends the same way, asking them how they’re really doing. That’s when I know our family support is spilling over into the rest of her life, which makes me proud.

Advice for Other Parents

If you’re raising a teenage daughter, here’s what I’d say:

• Mind your words. They stick longer than you think. Even offhand comments can shape how she sees herself.
• Encourage effort, not perfection. Success isn’t just in the results—it’s in the trying.
• Model the behavior you want. Speak kindly about yourself, because she’s learning how to treat her own reflection by watching you.
• Be the safe place. Let home be the one spot where she feels completely accepted.
• Create rituals of connection. Whether it’s family dinners, car rides, or weekly check-ins, consistency matters.

Closing Thoughts

At the salon, I see women who carry both the gifts and wounds of their family upbringing. Some beam with confidence because they were loved and encouraged. Others still struggle because they were constantly criticized or compared. That’s the power of family influence—it lasts a lifetime.

I can’t control everything my daughter faces in the world, but I can control the environment I create at home. I can choose to be the voice that builds her up instead of tearing her down. I can remind her that no grade, no friend group, no social media post will ever change the fact that she is loved, supported, and enough just as she is.

If we, as parents, can do that consistently—even imperfectly—I believe our daughters will carry that foundation of confidence with them wherever they go. And really, isn’t that the greatest gift we can give them?